how to get ready ...

How do you get ready, how do you prepare for surgery that is going to radically alter your life? I have no idea!  Here I am with less than three days to go until the surgeons knife cuts through my flesh and through me as I am now, and I am at a loss of what to do with myself and with the time I have left as the current incarnation of me.  I had planned to clean and tidy, to prepare - for what I don't really know.  And yet I find myself stuck to the bed, by an inexplicable force - holding me there wanting to make time slow down. Instead of doing, I find words springing into my mind that I am pouring out onto these pages; I have no idea if anyone will ever read them, yet they keep coming.  The inertia required to overcome the heaviness I feel pinning me down right now is immense.  Change is both challenging and frightening and yet I know, that if I want to live, I have no choice but to embrace the surgery and the changes it will bring.  Time, of which I no longer know how much I have, is the great healer and I hope that there is time for me to heal, to adjust to this change.

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